This is my first year riding the trainer and it has revealed itself to be a whole new breed of physical punishment. You’re not concerned with balance, people around you, hills, or any kind of obstacle so all you have to think about is working hard. This has fostered an ever growing familiarity with pain and has allowed me to explore my pain cave deeper and more thoroughly than ever before. Oh, the discoveries that await me! I have hardly scratched the surface! Tonight I had a particularly insightful visit...and here it is...
First, the warm-up. I’m out in a field. It’s nice and sunny there but there are dark clouds looming in the distance around a cave. For some horribly stupid reason (curiosity, probably) 10-15 minutes later I leave the nice sunny field and enter “MY PAIN CAVE”.
Minutes 1-2: This place sucks! It’s like pedaling through gravel as all the junk gets flushed out of my legs and my blood starts pumping. I keep running into bats and cobwebs, it’s really narrow, and I hate the music in here. But I keep going.
Minutes 2-4: Why is this cave going uphill? My legs are already burning and I’m breathing fire but it doesn’t feel that bad. That jerk in the diesel truck who always flips me off tries to pass me, but he can’t match my power. Next up, it’s my high school soccer coach also in a diesel truck. I annihilate him! So long to those losers as well as all the dogs that have ever chased me and that one defender from Stevensville.
Minutes 4-6: The cave starts to open up. This part’s still really hard but I feel like pain isn’t such a bad thing. I kind of like it, almost. Then, in the distance, I see my power animal! It’s a red fox. It says something really inspirational and moving but I’m too hypoxic to understand so I just smile and nod.
Minutes 6-8: My arteries are pumping battery acid but it’s too late to turn back. I have no idea how much further I have so I decide to just push through to the end and hope I make it. Finally, there’s a light and I hear Dusty Slivka yelling something. I don’t care what it is but I just want it to be over with so I take it up another notch that I didn’t know existed. Muscle fibers are literally exploding and then all of sudden it’s time to relax.
Cool down: yadeyahe, yadeyaha, yadeyahaha my life (hey,ey,ey,ey,ey,ey) my life (hey,ey,ey,ey,ey) My life (woo) my life...